Overdue

Yep, that's right, still no baby. But I have had 4 days of slow, ohmygod this is never going to end labor.

Let's talk a minute about the frame of mind I'm in because of the delay. I'm not a patient person when it comes to waiting around. It's kind of a funny thought looking back because my husband? Always late. You can ask anyone he knows and they will tell you he has never been on time a day in his life. It just so happens his kid? Same thing. Stubborn, I tell ya.

I've learned patience with my husband and now I'm learning patience with my baby. I guess it's gods way of preparing me to slow down, and keep the faith. I know I will have this baby, I know I wont be pregnant forever, I know baby will come when baby wants to come. Everyone and their mother tells me this, every 5 minutes of every day I've been overdue. The thing is, I'm OKAY with the baby being late, but having people remind me everyday that my baby is way overdue gives me stress and I kind of want to start throat punching people.

Further more let's talk about early labor. I've been in the thick of this early labor business for FOUR days. I've had no sleep, my contractions are 5 minutes apart all day and all night long. I maybe get a break mid-day where they stall out, I can put my feet up and relax. But then, I freak out. Why did they stop? Oh no, my labor wont start again, ohmygosh my baby is stuck!!! It's mind blowing.

Last night around 5 pm I started timing the contractions again. Sure enough they were coming in at 4-5 minutes apart and I was having to breathe through them. Then it felt like 1 contraction had last 5 minutes long and the top half of my belly near my ribs got hard as a rock and would not let go. I have Carlos feel it and he couldn't believe it either. After an hour, we texted our doula to see what her thoughts were and she immediately called back and asked if we thought the baby might have flipped. I told her I wasnt sure, but the baby was very active the day before. She asked me to go get checked out at L & D just in case the baby turned breech, because that would more then likely result in an emergency C section with being over-due. We didnt mess around and left 10 minutes later.

Labor and delivery were slow so we got in very fast, got hooked up,and all was well. The nurse said baby looked fantastic, and was still head down. Thank god. Then she told me some of the worst news to a 4 day labor having mama I could have heard. I was only 1 cm dilated. WHAT???? I have been 1 cm dilated for 3 weeks. With all the contractions, the back labor, the sleepless nights and I had made zero progress? I was literally devastated.

When we got released ( within 1 hour) the drive home was a quiet one. I'm thankful my husband didnt push a bunch of questions, or any you're doing great baby! things on me, because at that moment I just wanted to be left the heck alone. I got home, hooked the dog to his leash and went for a nice long walk...alone. When I got back, I put my jammies on ( at 10pm) laid in bed and the uncontrollable sobbing began. I could not hold it in any longer. I felt so defeated, so failed. My body was doing so much work and yet it wasn't getting me anywhere. My husband held my hand, gave me a kiss and told me to not focus on the labor and to focus on how I'm going to love our baby when they decide to make their arrival. He kissed me goodnight, and I fell asleep.

It's been a rough few days, and I feel like i'm always one to keep it together. I'm trying SO hard to keep it all together, but this waiting game is so hard when all you want to do is love on your baby that you baked for 9...ahem...10 long months.

I know my time will come soon.